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My battle

Journal Entry: Fri Jan 25, 2013, 1:00 PM


THIS IS NOT A BEFORE AFTER PICTURE, ITS MY BATTLE WITH ANOREXIA
If you go around and start accusing people of being anorexic as a joke, you don't know who you can hurt. Not only skinny people are anorexic...over-weight people can be too. Being skinny doesn't mean being anorexic either, you can be naturally skinny and eat a lot. You can be skinny without having a mental disorder.....because this is what anorexia is: a mental disorder, and a pretty painful one. In 2013, I'm now at a normal weight. For some people I'm not skinny enough, and for some others, it's too skinny. People are never happy with the way you look. So this is why YOU have to be happy with what you are. I'm still fighting, bu I'm never gonna abandon that battle. My dreams are too important, I've been working all my life for this. So before telling someone ''someone give her a burger'' or ''you're fat blob''.....think about it twice, you don't know all the damage you can cause. Stay strong, stay happy and fight!
here are the pictures of the changes:

www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbi…

Stephanie xx

  • Mood: Triumph
  • Listening to: Rammstein
  • Reading: Art of War
  • Watching: How I met your mother
  • Playing: WoW
  • Eating: bagels
  • Drinking: Tim Horton's coffee...always and forever
Add a Comment:
 
:iconarmuel:
Armuel Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
respect. stay strong!
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:icondracherott:
Dracherott Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
You should come play WoW with me and my Guild. Dracherott guild lord of Clan Blood Moon, Horde side Cenarius server. No kids just lots of adults having fun with out all the drama.
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
ohhh awesome!!
Reply
:icontomolan:
Tomolan Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
I think you are very brave to come out and speak of your fight with anorexia.
It's just so pathetic there are people so unwilling to be sympathetic to your pain.

We have two ugly sides of the same coin. We treat those with eating disorders poorly, while on the other side we have mixed messages from the media. Worse still we have all these quick fix diet schemes that just torment those with a real affliction to obesity. No wonder why people develop an unhealthy view towards their weight and appearance. To tell someone they are beautiful is never enough, they need to feel it within and gain the moral support of those around them. I feel that's hard to do when a society like our own is a real bastard about it. It's so easy for us all to point the finger and attack others suffering from this affliction in one form or another. Most of us (a 3rd of the North American population is obese) are victims of our own appetites.

[link]
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:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
amen to that :)
Reply
:iconchrisvandarg:
ChrisVanDarg Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
Seriously, how can anybody say you're skinny or fat? o_O You are in an adorable shape (and your boy definitely is a lucky bastard ;-) ) and you should just keep your head up and shrug off those silly and ignorant comments the way you do. Those people actually just show one thing: That they are so much unhappy with themselves in some way that they have to find something about other people they can hate to make them feel better, even if it's completely made up. Don't listen to them but to the folks who do care about you, your work and the things you do and say (or write :) ). In other words: Just keep doing your thing, going your way. And don't stop showing us more of your beautiful face :-)
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
haha thank you very much for the kind words, they are much appreciated :)
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:iconchrisvandarg:
ChrisVanDarg Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
You are most welcome :)
Reply
:iconjudasziege:
Judasziege Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No matter what the ignorants and idiots say;
You're adorable - in every shape. And much more adorable in the shape you like the most. But no only you.
Everybody. In every shape, in every colour, in every size - no matter your sex.
Love yourself. Love all the others.
Hate, aversion, envy and all that other shit - it will destroy us and the world.

That's all I can say.
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Professional General Artist
Thank you very much for your comment my dear :)
Reply
:iconjudasziege:
Judasziege Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You are very welcome. :-)
Reply
:iconunknownswordsman1:
UnknownSwordsman1 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Your way of thinking is inspirational never let your dreams die, I went through anorexia this year due to my mom passing. Stay true to yourself and ignore others opinions and you'll make you Dreams will become reality. Remember you have the most stunning personality and alot of determination and that is what true beauty is :)
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Professional General Artist
thank you very much. And thank you for sharing this with me, I hope you are better now. My sympathies for your mother xx
Reply
:iconunknownswordsman1:
UnknownSwordsman1 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
no problem and thanks, yeah I am a lot better no worries
Reply
:iconwildvampire:
WildVampire Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Congratulations for your success! :clap:
I have learned about this disease at my faculty(psychology) and I imagine how hard must be for you!
I respect and admire you for your strength! :hug:
Good job and as you already know, you have to be pleased with yourself, not the society! :)
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013  Professional General Artist
thank you very much :)
Reply
:iconwildvampire:
WildVampire Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
you're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconchrisedwardsuk:
ChrisEdwardsUK Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I agree with the prev' post, you are brave to share something so personal. The issue at hand has no easy solution, but it is clear to me that you have no end of people who are wiling to support you and help you when you need it. So good luck and try to stay positive. Also I may add you are one of my fav models on this site and have watched ur profile for long time, infact I wanted to draw more people to your profile which is why I list you on my profile under ULTIMATE ARTISTS. good luck x
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:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Professional General Artist
awesome thank you very much my dear :)
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:iconpersonia:
personia Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist
Wow I've been Watching your work for a long time and never thought a thing about your weight. Your looked fine and your pictures are interesting. I read your journals and all that (well, when I can :P ). I saw your link in this journal entry and I smiled for how proud I am of your progress, but also sad on how your struggling. You say that it's never ending, but it will end. What you have done by making this more public is a valiant thing to do and I admire it. Please don't stop your work (not saying you are - it's a form of expression) and strive forward in your acting. There isn't anything wrong with modelling, it can have benefits if appropriately used. These are a few quick words, not a a paper this time :P , as I don't want to take your time.
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:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Professional General Artist
What I do now is not modelling like I used to in the modelling agencies (I'm talking about fashion publicity and runways), I stopped that a while ago. What I post usually on DA is not my ''modelling'' work it's artistic modelling not fashion modelling don't worry.
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:iconpersonia:
personia Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist
Oh yes, I get you. I should've realised. Your type of modelling just makes things better!
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:iconbaroness-naughty:
baroness-naughty Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's not an easy battle. Good luck! ^_^
Hope you find where you can be healthy and happy.
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Professional General Artist
thank you!
Reply
:iconangelnjk:
angelnjk Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013
I love your way of thinking, not only shows me that you are beautiful on the outside, you are doubly beautiful :) . everyone has to be comfortable with her body, people talk without knowing, guided by a awful stereotype .... in every way.
many kisses and hugs, I'm glad you're winning in this big struggle
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Professional General Artist
thank you very much my dear :)
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:icongenebou:
genebou Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013
You've been through so much, you are really strong! All my admiration and respect! It should'nt have been easy for you to tell everyone about your illness. I think your recovery story can inspire lots of girls with the same issue. Do you know why you developped anorexia?
Reply
:iconsharonsilverstone:
SharonSilverstone Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013
This is not going to be a popular opinion, I feel the opposite.

I feel that celebrities should only talk about eating disorders if it was something really significant for them and they really feel the need to say something (not to say eating orders aren’t significant for everyone…but there’s a difference between struggling for a couple of months or even just restrictive dieting which you are calling an eating disorder, and something that is more ongoing and hugely affects your life).

The reality is, whether we want to admit it or not, all of these celebrities talking about eating disorders makes younger girls copy them. Even if they don’t have/develop the full blown eating disorders, they do spend a period of their time emulating the symptoms of those disorders.

I don’t know why it happens, I don’t know why they would. Maybe it’s curiousity. Maybe it’s desperation (trying to control some aspect of their life. Maybe it’s calling for attention.

Whatever the reason for it, it happens. Celebrities talking about eating disorders popularizes them. Just like with cutting. Just like with school shootings.
Reply
:icongenebou:
genebou Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013
you are right, I disagree. I encourage her to tell about her story
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
don't worry love :) She's the one who's in need of attention. Pathetic trolls will always be pathetic trolls <3
Reply
:iconsharonsilverstone:
SharonSilverstone Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013
You have the right to think what you want. I don't want to sound rude but I realized that she isn't even a real celebrity, (has she done something else than previews, trailers or pictures taken by her boyfriend?) and appears to be just another insecure girl who exposes her body to get compliments. Her anorexia story doesn't seem legit and sounds like someone who need sympathy with a touching story. Like thousands of girls out there. Nothing special, didn't like her body, starved for a while, took a picture in a precise angle, couldn't starve anymore and put the weight back on. Yo-yo dieters. It's a phase not an illness.... I think that is romanticizing and trivializing a deadly illness and that can be dagerous for others. That's my point of view. You have to right to have yours and I have the right to have mine. Have a great one.
Reply
:iconth3joker:
Th3Joker Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional Filmographer
Ok, first of all, you don't know why she shared this story at all, you are not in Stephanie's mind and you obviously don't understand why she wrote this, so don't even try to assume you can tell why she's sharing the story.
Second, you know nothing of eating disorders either and you clearly don't know how to read or else you would have noticed the details Stephanie gave here about what happened to her. You're just one of those insecure uninformed idiots who pollute the internet with stupid and shallow comments and honestly, from where I'm looking, you're the one crying for attention with this "unpopular" opinion of yours. True, you have the right to have an opinion but you don't have the right to pollute someone else's work in a desperate attempt to make such opinion seen, just keep it to yourself and walk away, simple as that.
And lastly, if you browse through Stephanie's gallery, you'll see a huge variety of pictures taken by several different photographers. Oh and the previews and trailers were made by me and my team here in New York City for an upcoming series, if you had actually seen and paid attention, you would have noticed that, so don't try to diminish Stephanie's work and effort, you don't know her so don't assume things about her.
With this said, next time, why don't you just keep your misguided opinion for yourself and avoid this kind of trouble?
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:iconsharonsilverstone:
SharonSilverstone Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
I know a lot about ED. Obsvioulsy she doesn't.
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:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional General Artist
Oh yes because they do hospitalize people over a year for no reason XD Causes of ED are extremely different for everyone and if you did know what it really was yourself, you would know that the comments you are making are certainly not helping someone with that. On this stop, polluting my page, and go away. Go back to guard your little bridge ^_^
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:iconsharonsilverstone:
SharonSilverstone Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Still changing your version of the story. You were in and out treatment and now hospitalized over a year in hospital (I wonder which one..) but you were able to post ''modelling'' pictures of yourself each year ever since 2010 or something. Yeah, that make so much sens, knowing you were to sick to talk or walk. You should also know that psychiatrists classify the severity of the the disease (sadly) by the BMI, and that by your stats, your not a severe case . Again, lies, like the feeding tube. Like doctor thinking you were taking cocaine,because they could have verified this by taking blood tests. .If you weren't seeking attention, you could have told you ''recovery'' story by any other means than posting pictures of you, there's no point about doing that. I hope you never will have to know the real suffering of an eating disorder. Wanting to have the last word? Go ahead, live in your world of lies and drama, if this can make you happy, but remember that they are real sufferers out there that find fakers like you really annoying and a threat to the understanding of the disease.
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(2 Replies)
:iconth3joker:
Th3Joker Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional Filmographer
I don't see how you could possibly say that without knowing Stephanie personally, so I very much doubt that. And given your high insensitivity to the topic I'm even more skeptical that you even know half about that topic as much as you claim to know, so please go away and keep your opinions inside your head would you?
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:iconsharonsilverstone:
SharonSilverstone Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
First of all, in Canada, they only force feed extremely severe cases of anorexia. It's a uncommon and LAST resort method, when psycotherapy and treatment won't work. She said she used to eat substitude barsm which are very HIGH CAL: ''Well I would eat meal substitute bars''Also, you don't recover by realizing what's going on ''And then someday I realized what was happening to me, and I started controlling myself''. It just doesn't work like that, you don't wake up and start eating again. That was ¸some of the points that made me realize that was lies. She looks only like someone who lost weight by unhealty diets for a while and called herself ''anorexic'' because you know, having a story like that is sooooo touching and a way to get attention and compliments. My point was, romanticizing an illness is never a godd thing, neither using it to get attention.
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(3 Replies)
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
because*
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:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
Don't worry I don't care about people like that. Just some people polluting the internet but of their own lack of constructive things to do.
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
and if you actually got a brain, you could see that most of my pictures on this page are from many photographer....and that my boyfriend happens to be one. Why would you care with who I work.
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
and about my career, you just have noooooooooo idea what so ever what I do. Plus I never putted the weight back on, I'm still 89 lbs lighter ;) I never pretended to be a celebrity either so no need to attack me girl. It never occurred to you that a preview or a trailer.........is actually because there's a full series and a full movie coming with it? None the less....just go away XD
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:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
troll, just get the fuck out of my page XD
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:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Professional General Artist
Thank you very much! Well at first it was because I was being bullied constantly, and I just stopped eating because no matter how much I lost weight people would laugh...so it was never quick enough. This is why I just stopped eating. Then When I got thin, I was scouted by a modelling agency and I started into this path, even though what I always did was acting. I would see myself as an enormous monster, even when I was a size 2....in this industry....it's never thin enough. So I was required to lose even more weight all the time. So in my head...I was still fat, and this is how I saw myself.Even today, I can't see myself the way I am. I have some phases sometimes where I stop eating either because my head plays with me and the sight of food sickens me and sometimes is intentional. Despite the fact that you know that it's not good for you, you can't control yourself at some point. There was a point where the doctors had to force me to eat. And then someday I realized what was happening to me, and I started controlling myself. It's still very hard today though, right now, while I'm writing, I have to control myself, and I just realized that I barely ate today...and it was intentional. I'll go eat a good sandwich now :P Thank you very much for your message.
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:icongenebou:
genebou Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013
Wow, being forced feed should'nt have been easy :/ At least you are able to eat now! and looking amazing! May I ask you what you would eat during anorexia? Like nothing at all really? Are eating disorder really that common in modeling industry, 'cause you know, they keep telling that they are naturally that thin and eveything.... How long have you stayed in hospital? Do you have any advice for young girls?
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Professional General Artist
Well I would eat meal substitute bars ans shakes or cucumbers, salads or one yogurt all day long until supper, then I would eat half a bowl of soup....stuff like that. Seriously about the modelling industry...some models are very skinny naturally, but not all of them are. Most DO have a eating disorder that is covered by the agency. When I was very skinny people would write ''omg...she looks so sick! She must be starving'', and my agent would immediately write ''oh no she's very healthy and eats a lot! I just ate a burger with her actually. All our models are healthy and happy.''....which was obviously not the case. I WAS STARVING AND SICK. I've seen the same kind of answers from many agencies and photographers, but I can't tell for sure if it's always the case. I do know some naturally skinny models and anorexics models too.

I stayed on and off at the hospital for about a year, it was a very hard time. The doctors had to talk to me a lot and at some point they were convinced I was on cocaine to lose weight (which wasn't the case, I've never done any kind of drugs). When they realized that, they made me understand that it may have not been the good path for me.

I would indeed have an advice for young girls and it would be not to push. If you are naturally very skinny (which is very rare) and that you fit...go for it (still, be careful, this kind of lifestyle is not for everyone). But if you have to force yourself and change your body shape, please don't. Believe me there's nothing rewarding with being sick. Health is the most important thing in life, much important than beauty and fame. You quite realize that when you lose that for a long time ;)
Reply
:icongenebou:
genebou Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013
:O! I have no idea how you could survive on that little amount of food! That's sad that you agency covered your issue instead of taking care of i. They know there was a problem, even though you didn't look emaciated at your thinniest, you could have died if you had fall deeper into it.

I'm glad you overcame that sickness and that the doctors took good care of you. It should have been really hard to gain the weight back even with the strongest willingness.

Have you ever thought about wrinting a book about your story?
Reply
:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013  Professional General Artist
That's why I almost died XD I actually thought about it, though I'm gonna have to wait for that a little :)
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:icongenebou:
genebou Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013
That could be very interesting. Sorry for all my questions, anorexia is quite a mystery for me, it's hard to understand how someone can starve herself near death.
Reply
:iconpirateteaparty:
pirateteaparty Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013
Brave girl for sharing this. Its not something that is easy to go through. When I was a teenager I was the fat jolly kid. After high school I started to workout and eat less and less. I got unhealthily skinny, if it wasn't for friends and family I would have easily taken it to far. Its tough to overcome but you can do it, look at these comments for example. You have three pages of people saying how beautiful you are. When I first started watching your page, i saw a young beautiful girl, I never once thought that you needed to lose/gain weight. I didn't even know you had this issue. I for one, think you are superbly beautiful just as you are. :)
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:iconstephanie-van-rijn:
Stephanie-van-Rijn Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Professional General Artist
thank you for sharing this with me :)
Reply
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